Joan Jett & the Blackhearts "I Hate Myself For Loving You"

"You said you'd meet me now it's quarter to two..."

JOAN JETT AND THE BLACKHEARTS' "I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU"

The Bangles "Hazy Shade of Winter"

"Hear the salvation army band..."

Naked Eyes "Promises Promises"

"Arm in arm we laughed like kids..."

NAKED EYES' "PROMISES PROMISES"

Soft Cell "Tainted Love"

So, Tainted Love...you know, the kind of love that makes Marc Almond feel like he needs to "run away" he's got to "get away". It's the kind of love that hurts...that pains the heart.

Or...there's the tainted love that the video depicts...you know, the kind of love that awakens the underwear model in the middle of the night, making him sit up in his impossibly small bed. The kind of love that at first seems to have potential...an astrological starish figure gyrating over underwear boy's face. But, as is often the case, the starish figure takes things too far...knocking over the boy's soda can. That was the straw that broke the cameltoe's back. And Marc Almond's head appears as if to say, "Now THAT is Tainted Love!"

SOFT CELL'S "TAINTED LOVE"

Rick Astley "Together Forever"

"Can't you hear me I'm saying I want you for the rest of my life..."

RICK ASTLEY'S "TOGETHER FOREVER"

Billy Idol "Rebel Yell"

"What set you free and brought you to me babe..."

BILLY IDOL'S "REBEL YELL"

Whitesnake "Is This Love"

"Wasted days and sleepless nights..."

WHITESNAKE'S "IS THIS LOVE"

The System "Don't Disturb This Groove"

"Hang the sign upon the door..."

Sheena Easton "Morning Train (Nine to Five)"

"Night time is the right time..."

Expose "Point of No Return"

"The common road seems just like a dream..."

EXPOSE'S "POINT OF NO RETURN"

Cameo "Word Up"

One of the funniest Twitter accounts is “Sh#t my dad says”. The guy who writes it has hundreds of thousands of followers, but I noticed yesterday that he’s only following one person…LeVar Burton. And as fate would have it I caught this Word Up video on VH1 classic today, starring none other than LeVar Burton as the frustrated cop.

LeVar’s acting skills are in full effect at the 3:55 mark when he looks “surprised”. He thought he had captured Cameo lead singer Larry Blackmon, but was shocked to find himself hand-cuffed to someone else. Blackmon escapes into the night, where judging from his outfit he is about to have a big evening. I have that exact same see-through mesh shirt and banana hammock/utility belt, but I never thought to wear black spandex underneath. What’s the word? Fashionsense. Word up.

Pat Benatar "We Belong"

"Many times I've cried alone..."

PAT BENATAR'S "WE BELONG"

Frank Stallone "Far From Over"

"I am down, but I am far from over..."

Thompson Twins "Hold Me Now"

"You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind..."

INXS "Need You Tonight" & "Mediate"

"There's something about you girl that makes me sweat..."

Roy Orbison "You Got It"

"I live my life to be with you..."

Was (Not Was) "Walk the Dinosaur"

"I felt a little tired so I watched Miami Vice..."

WAS (NOT WAS) "WALK THE DINOSAUR"

The Cars "Magic"

Thank you VH1 classic for reminding me of this video. The casting directors got so caught up finding “preppy guy with fruity cocktail”, “token cowboy” and “guy who looks nothing like Uncle Sam”, that they completely forgot to cast the female lead. The song says, “It’s magic when I’m with you,” but the video counters, “When you’re not here people think I’m the Christ.”

It’s ironic that a song about a beautiful girl turns into a video that gives tons of face time to Ric Ocasek. Dude is not much to look at (said the dude who wears polyester suits and bad moustaches), but has been married to supermodel Paulina Porizkova for 20 years. Ric’s the catch. Talent and fame trump outward beauty. That’s “twisted, under sideways down.”

Oh oh this video is Magic…

Van Halen "Hot For Teacher"

"I brought my pencil..."

Rupert Holmes "Escape (the Pina Colada Song)"

"And though I'm nobody's poet I thought it wasn't half-bad..."

Pink Floyd "Another Brick In The Wall"

"How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat..."

Queen "Another One Bites The Dust"

"How long can you stand the heat..."

QUEEN'S "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST"

Michael Jackson "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"

"You're a vegtable..."

Eddy Grant "Electric Avenue"

"Dealing in multiplication..."

Baltimora "Tarzan Boy"

This video is a visual masterpiece. And the lyrics are equally beautiful. There’s something about Jimmy McShane that makes me want to leave everything behind…and join him...in the jungle…I won’t be sorry. I won't?

I am sorry that music isn't like this anymore. Or videos for that matter. It's like Murray Hewitt was the band manager and said, "Okay, guys...item 3...what about a song about...a...Tarzan...boy. You know Tarzan's yell? We put that to a beat, drop in Jimmy with some white trousers...a dinner jacket...lots of man make-up. International hit." And the crazy thing is, it actually was. The 80s don't make sense. There wasn't a formula for 80s success, but more often than not, weird won.

Tarzan boy is about to monkey all up in your business…

Donna Summer "She Works Hard For The Money"

"So hard for it honey..."

The Police "Don't Stand So Close To Me"

"He starts to shake and cough..."

THE POLICE'S "DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME"

Culture Club "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me"

"Come inside and catch my tears..."

2 Live Crew "Me So Horny"

"Me love you long time..."

Michael Bolton "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You"

"And I don't want to know the price I'm going to pay for dreaming..."