Asia "Heat of the Moment"

Video director: "Okay, for the video we're going to need a guy that can personify the phrase 'wipe the smile right from my face.'"
Asia: "How about that creepy guy who doesn't wear shirts?"

Journey "Open Arms"

"We sailed on together, we drifted apart..."


JOURNEY'S "OPEN ARMS"

LL Cool J "Going Back to Cali"

Ladies Love Cool James...

LL COOL J'S "GOING BACK TO CALI"

Living Colour "Glamour Boys"

LIVING COLOUR'S "GLAMOUR BOYS"

John Mellencamp "Crumbling Down"

"And the walls..."

'Til Tuesday "Voices Carry"

"I'm frightened of the things I might find..."

'Til Tuesday's "Voices Carry"

Grateful Dead "Touch of Grey"

"Whistle through your teeth and spit, cause..."

Grateful Dead - Touch Of Grey
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Billy Ocean "When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going"

"And do the things that lovers do..."

Billy Ocean - When The Going Gets Tough
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Talking Heads "And She Was"

"And she was drifting through the backyard and she was taking off her dress..."

TALKING HEADS' "AND SHE WAS"

Bon Jovi "Bad Medicine"

"There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease..."

BON JOVI'S "BAD MEDICINE"

Shalamar "Dancing in the Sheets"

After watching this video “grab your coat and wave goodbye to your friends” took on a whole new meaning. If the guy in the black gloves, white kerchief and matching white wristband asks you to dance in the sheets, it's less likely that you're about to make sweet, sweet love and more likely that the end of your life is imminent.

One would think that a sexy song like “Dancing in the Sheets” would have a correspondingly sexy video. Instead, the video appears to be one the scenes from “Footloose” that ended up on the cutting room floor. The action picks up at the 2:20 mark when black Zorro ducks at just the last minute (or two), making Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ punch land right in Borat’s face. He then has the presence of mind to not only pause briefly to listen to not-Prince’s guitar solo, but also to give not-Prince the fist pump, which is the universal sign for “grab the nearest rope and swing straight through the front door, because we’ve got to meet Kevin Bacon and Chris Penn at the old barn to teach them how to dance (in the sheets).”

The Bangles "Walk Like an Egyptian"

"Foreign types with the hookah pipes say..."

Billy Joel "We Didn't Start the Fire"

"Edsel is a no go..." no va

BILLY JOEL'S "WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE"

R.E.M. "The One I Love"

"Fire..."

R.E.M.'S "THE ONE I LOVE"

Mr. Mister "Broken Wings"

"We can take what was wrong and make it right..."

Frida "I Know There's Something Going On"

"It won't be long before you're gone..."

Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me"

"Rain keeps falling rain keeps falling down down..."

Men Without Hats "Safety Dance"

I (de) briefly fronted a "Men Without Hats" cover band called "Men Without Pants". Turns out full frontal isn't a good look for me.

Warrant "Cherry Pie"

"You ain't gonna swing with my daughter no more..."

WARRANT'S "CHERRY PIE"

John Mellencamp "Pink Houses"

"And there's winners and there's losers..."

JOHN MELLENCAMP'S "PINK HOUSES"

WHAM! "Careless Whisper"

In my experience, guilty feet have very little, if any, rhythm...WHAM! agrees.

Elton John "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues"

"And never forget I'm your man..."

ELTON JOHN'S "I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE BLUES"

Suzanne Vega "Luka"

"Just don't ask me what it was..."

Level 42 "Something About You"

"Is it so wrong to be human after all..."

LEVEL 42'S "SOMETHING ABOUT YOU"

USA for Africa "We Are the World"

This song featured arguably the greatest collection of musical talent ever until Jimmy Kimmel effed Ben Affleck.

Shannon "Let the Music Play"

"He's dancing his way back to me..."

Shannon - Let The Music Play
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MARRS "Pump up the Volume"

"Brothers and sisters..."

Jeff Healey "Angel Eyes"

"What you're doing with a clown like me is surely one of life's little mysteries..."

JEFF HEALEY'S "ANGEL EYES"

Jermaine Stewart "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off"

The lovely and talented Brook Busey once tweeted, "Re: having a good time. Can't we take our clothes off AND have some cherry wine? Don't know why they have to be mutually exclusive." Can I get an Amen?

Dear Diablo,
I realized one of the things I don't do enough in life is ask you out. So, please go around with me and my mustache. I'll take you to Kansas City's best barbeque joint in a gas station or the prom (ladies choice/snowball). Either way there will be cherry wine and I'll probably end up topless with or without you (and you give yourself away...and you give...etc) Check yes, no or Bono.
Love,
AJ

Bow Wow Wow "I Want Candy"

When do you like candy? Because, Bow Wow Wow likes it "when it's wrapped in sweater."

The Kinks "Come Dancing"

"Don't be afraid to come dancing. It's only natural..."

Living in a Box "Living in a Box"

Watching the Living in a Box video made me think of a couple of other guys who put things in boxes...

LIVING IN A BOX'S "LIVING IN A BOX"

The Church "Under the Milky Way"

"Wish I knew what you were looking for..."

Poco "Call It Love"

"Tell me your secrets I'll tell you mine..."

The Dream Academy "Life in a Northern Town"

"And he took a cigarette out..."

THE DREAM ACADEMY "LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN"

Nu Shooz "I Can't Wait"

"My love, tell me what it's all about..."

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince "Parents Just Don't Understand"

My memory of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was a boyish, innocent version of Big Willie. However, the video delivers a character more like a young R. Kelly...the hand that was "steadily moving up (his) thigh" belonged to "a 12 year old runaway." Not...that...innocent...

"Come on and take a ride with a helluva guy..."

DJ JAZZY JEFF & THE FRESH PRINCE'S "PARENTS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND"

The Fixx "Saved By Zero"

"Maybe I'll win..."

THE FIXX'S "SAVED BY ZERO"

Katrina and the Waves "Walking on Sunshine"

This video is all kinds of brilliant. Nothing says "Walking on Sunshine" like a dreary, foggy day. It looks like the Walking on Sunshine video may have been inadvertantly switched with Katrina's tutorial on how to trick emo kids into feeding ducks.

KATRINA AND THE WAVES' "WALKING ON SUNSHINE"

Mr. Mister "Kyrie"

"It reaches into where I cannot hide..."

Aretha Franklin "Freeway of Love"

"How'd you get those pants so tight..."

Teena Marie "Lovergirl"

"A little birdie told me you feel the same..."

Debarge "Rhythm of the Night"

"The party's just beginning..."

DEBARGE "RHYTHM OF THE NIGHT"

Survivor "High On You"

"Talking to myself running in the heat..."

New Edition "Mr. Telephone Man"

"This situation's blowing my mind..."

NEW EDITION'S "MR. TELEPHONE MAN"

Madness "Our House"

Madness. If I had written a song about the house I grew up in, it would have been horrible. This song is non-horrible. And that’s the genius of Madness. They took mom ironing shirts and kissing the kids off to school and made it a hit. The phrase that hooked me was "middle of the street". Location, location, location. I took that phrase quite literally. What an odd place for a house, I thought. I guess I never saw the video. For me, ignorance was bliss, I wouldn't have liked the song, if I understood that the house was equidistant from the two nearest crossroads. I prefer the image of trying to step on to the back porch only to be nearly run over by a city bus. In my mind, Madness' house will always be in the middle of the street...it was where they used to sleep...

Icehouse "Electric Blue"

"And it's all over you..."

Al B. Sure "Nite and Day"

"Love is blind..."

Elton John "Candle In The Wind"

"Goodbye Norma Jean..."

ELTON JOHN'S "CANDLE IN THE WIND"

Cher "If I Could Turn Back Time"

"Words are like weapons and they wound some times..."

Kylie Minogue "The Loco-Motion"

"You gotta swing your hips now..."

Taylor Dane "Tell It To My Heart"

"Body to body soul to soul..."

TAYLOR DANE'S "TELL IT TO MY HEART"

Escape Club Kool Moe Dee "Wild Wild West(s)"

I had every intention of writing this post about Escape Club's "Wild Wild West", but youtube pointed me to Kool Moe Dee's song instead...it also came out in 1988 and is way better. And by better I mean easier to make fun of.

Quick word association game. I say "Wild Wild West". You say what? If your answer was "black cowboys dancing in a snow storm" then you probably directed this video. I didn't think it was possible to make George Michael's rap look bad ass, but this video does just that. "Guns...we don't like to use them," but we will challenge our enemy to a hoe down. Trust me...you don't want that...as this video shows in graphic detail, when Kool Moe Dee and his crew starts line dancing, nobody wins.

Kool Moe Dee version...

Escape Club version (song starts at the :55 mark)...

Richard Marx "Don't Mean Nothing"

"No victim no crime..."

Eric Carmen "Make Me Lose Control"

"Jennifer's singing 'Stand By Me'..."

Poison "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"

"But what love does he know, has he ever felt like this..."

POISON'S "EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN"

Quiet Riot "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)"

"Join the pack fill the crack..."

Twisted Sister "We're Not Gonna Take It"

"I wanna rock..."

Matthew Wilder "Break My Stride"

"Last night I had the strangest dream..."

The Tubes "She's A Beauty"

The Tubes band meeting 1983: “She’s a beauty is a kick ass song. But the label thinks it’s too racy to have a video about a peep-show girl. What could we do to tone it down?” “I know, let’s have a pre-teen boy sit on the lap of a dominatrix in a carnival ride called ‘ride the beauty’.”

Much better.

The Tubes probably could have left the beauty's envelope right there, but instead they thrust the excited boy right through a picture of a breast. And on the other side? A four year-old ballerina. Can we please go back to the peep-show theme? This is creeping me out. Instead, they keep the ride going to reveal caged jungle girls with hay in their hair watching the dominatrix move the safety bar up to the young boy’s neck. This video is less about a one in a million girl and more the story of the boy coming of age. The dominatrix disposes of the bar in favor of a more intimate headlock and ultimately the boy becomes a man after riding the beauty. "She'll give you every penny's worth. But, it will cost you a dollar first" (and thousands in therapy).

What twisted freak directed this beauty/starter porn? Why, Kenny Ortega of course...the director of Disney's High School Musical films.

THE TUBE'S "SHE'S A BEAUTY"

Michael Jackson "Thriller"

"You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it..."

MICHAEL JACKSON'S "THRILLER"

The Romantics "Talking In Your Sleep"

"You tell me that you want me..."

Stevie Wonder "I Just Called To Say I Love You"

"Made up of these three words that I must say to you..."

Lionel Richie "Hello"

Talented director of plays at the local community college and father of Paris Hilton's BFF. "Is it me you're looking for?" Yes, yes it is. Hello, Lionel. I've finally found you.

Tina Turner "What's Love Got To Do With It"

"Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken..."

TINA TURNER'S "WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT"

Huey Lewis & The News "Hip To Be Square"

"There is no denying that..."

HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS' "HIP TO BE SQUARE"

Miami Sound Machine "Bad Boy"

Miami Sound Machine made two videos for "Bad Boy", either because the song is that good or because this video is that bad. Hey look, there's Gloria Estefan telling the pretty boy to get lost. And there's Gloria walking into a Brian Setzer video...wait, what just happened? I would imagine that this video is EXACTLY what most people picture when they first hear the song. It's your typical Hollywood story: boy meets girl, boy loses girl to beastality, boy gets girl.


It's like the songwriter and the cats had an "anything you can do, I can do badder" contest that ended with Estefan growing a tail. The song's writer gives us interesting insight into Estefan. For example, her heart goes "beat, beat, beat, beat, beat beat" and her phone goes "ring, ring, ring, ring, ring ring". Pretty bad writing, but the cats answer at the 1:41 mark, taking the time to show us what a beating heart looks like. And they tie things up at 3:01..."no Gloria, finger phones don't cut it in our world...let me pull out my car phone...this is how it's done."

80s music...you make me feel so good...

Jan Hammer "Miami Vice Theme"

Shh...

Sly Fox "Let's Go All The Way"

"The Hollywood Squares are living in Disneyland..."

SLY FOX'S "LET'S GO ALL THE WAY"

Guns N' Roses "Patience"

"I been walking the streets at night just trying to get it right..."

Joan Jett & the Blackhearts "I Hate Myself For Loving You"

"You said you'd meet me now it's quarter to two..."

JOAN JETT AND THE BLACKHEARTS' "I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU"

The Bangles "Hazy Shade of Winter"

"Hear the salvation army band..."

Naked Eyes "Promises Promises"

"Arm in arm we laughed like kids..."

NAKED EYES' "PROMISES PROMISES"

Soft Cell "Tainted Love"

So, Tainted Love...you know, the kind of love that makes Marc Almond feel like he needs to "run away" he's got to "get away". It's the kind of love that hurts...that pains the heart.

Or...there's the tainted love that the video depicts...you know, the kind of love that awakens the underwear model in the middle of the night, making him sit up in his impossibly small bed. The kind of love that at first seems to have potential...an astrological starish figure gyrating over underwear boy's face. But, as is often the case, the starish figure takes things too far...knocking over the boy's soda can. That was the straw that broke the cameltoe's back. And Marc Almond's head appears as if to say, "Now THAT is Tainted Love!"

SOFT CELL'S "TAINTED LOVE"

Rick Astley "Together Forever"

"Can't you hear me I'm saying I want you for the rest of my life..."

RICK ASTLEY'S "TOGETHER FOREVER"

Billy Idol "Rebel Yell"

"What set you free and brought you to me babe..."

BILLY IDOL'S "REBEL YELL"

Whitesnake "Is This Love"

"Wasted days and sleepless nights..."

WHITESNAKE'S "IS THIS LOVE"

The System "Don't Disturb This Groove"

"Hang the sign upon the door..."

Sheena Easton "Morning Train (Nine to Five)"

"Night time is the right time..."

Expose "Point of No Return"

"The common road seems just like a dream..."

EXPOSE'S "POINT OF NO RETURN"

Cameo "Word Up"

One of the funniest Twitter accounts is “Sh#t my dad says”. The guy who writes it has hundreds of thousands of followers, but I noticed yesterday that he’s only following one person…LeVar Burton. And as fate would have it I caught this Word Up video on VH1 classic today, starring none other than LeVar Burton as the frustrated cop.

LeVar’s acting skills are in full effect at the 3:55 mark when he looks “surprised”. He thought he had captured Cameo lead singer Larry Blackmon, but was shocked to find himself hand-cuffed to someone else. Blackmon escapes into the night, where judging from his outfit he is about to have a big evening. I have that exact same see-through mesh shirt and banana hammock/utility belt, but I never thought to wear black spandex underneath. What’s the word? Fashionsense. Word up.

Pat Benatar "We Belong"

"Many times I've cried alone..."

PAT BENATAR'S "WE BELONG"

Frank Stallone "Far From Over"

"I am down, but I am far from over..."

Thompson Twins "Hold Me Now"

"You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind..."

INXS "Need You Tonight" & "Mediate"

"There's something about you girl that makes me sweat..."

Roy Orbison "You Got It"

"I live my life to be with you..."

Was (Not Was) "Walk the Dinosaur"

"I felt a little tired so I watched Miami Vice..."

WAS (NOT WAS) "WALK THE DINOSAUR"

The Cars "Magic"

Thank you VH1 classic for reminding me of this video. The casting directors got so caught up finding “preppy guy with fruity cocktail”, “token cowboy” and “guy who looks nothing like Uncle Sam”, that they completely forgot to cast the female lead. The song says, “It’s magic when I’m with you,” but the video counters, “When you’re not here people think I’m the Christ.”

It’s ironic that a song about a beautiful girl turns into a video that gives tons of face time to Ric Ocasek. Dude is not much to look at (said the dude who wears polyester suits and bad moustaches), but has been married to supermodel Paulina Porizkova for 20 years. Ric’s the catch. Talent and fame trump outward beauty. That’s “twisted, under sideways down.”

Oh oh this video is Magic…

Van Halen "Hot For Teacher"

"I brought my pencil..."

Rupert Holmes "Escape (the Pina Colada Song)"

"And though I'm nobody's poet I thought it wasn't half-bad..."

Pink Floyd "Another Brick In The Wall"

"How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat..."

Queen "Another One Bites The Dust"

"How long can you stand the heat..."

QUEEN'S "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST"

Michael Jackson "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"

"You're a vegtable..."

Eddy Grant "Electric Avenue"

"Dealing in multiplication..."

Baltimora "Tarzan Boy"

This video is a visual masterpiece. And the lyrics are equally beautiful. There’s something about Jimmy McShane that makes me want to leave everything behind…and join him...in the jungle…I won’t be sorry. I won't?

I am sorry that music isn't like this anymore. Or videos for that matter. It's like Murray Hewitt was the band manager and said, "Okay, guys...item 3...what about a song about...a...Tarzan...boy. You know Tarzan's yell? We put that to a beat, drop in Jimmy with some white trousers...a dinner jacket...lots of man make-up. International hit." And the crazy thing is, it actually was. The 80s don't make sense. There wasn't a formula for 80s success, but more often than not, weird won.

Tarzan boy is about to monkey all up in your business…

Donna Summer "She Works Hard For The Money"

"So hard for it honey..."

The Police "Don't Stand So Close To Me"

"He starts to shake and cough..."

THE POLICE'S "DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME"

Culture Club "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me"

"Come inside and catch my tears..."

2 Live Crew "Me So Horny"

"Me love you long time..."

Michael Bolton "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You"

"And I don't want to know the price I'm going to pay for dreaming..."

Tom Petty "Runnin' Down a Dream"

"I felt so good like anything was possible..."

TOM PETTY'S "RUNNIN' DOWN A DREAM"

Human League "Don't You Want Me"

How many years have I toiled as a cocktail waitress and yet no one has taken the time to pick me up, shake me up, and turn me around? Maybe it's time that I turned into someone new. Maybe it's time that I unstraighten my teeth and wear more rouge and eyeliner. This is the final boarding call for people trying to take credit for my success. Even with or without you I'm going to find a much better place (to be a cocktail waitresss).

Don't you want me?

Human League's "Don't You Want Me"

The B52's "Love Shack"

"So hurry up and bring your jukebox money..."

Peter Gabriel "In Your Eyes"

"I reach out from the inside..."

Depeche Mode "People Are People"

"Why should it be you and I should get along so awfully..."

Depeche Mode - People Are People
Uploaded by Dan_of_the_Land. -

Power Station "Get It On (Bang a Gong)"

"You're dirty sweet and you're my girl..."

POWER STATION'S "GET IT ON (BANG A GONG)"

Corey Hart "Sunglasses at Night"

"Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades oh no..."

COREY HART'S "SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT"

Oingo Boingo "Weird Science"

"Makin dreams come true..."

El Debarge "Who's Johnny?"

Before we get to the ever important question “Who’s Johnny?” I’d like to first identify the rest of the players.

“Who’s Steve Guttenberg?” I said and smiled in my special way. Apparently he’s the guy who decided at the last minute that he was too big of a star to appear in an El Debarge video.

“Who’s directing this crap” I said and tried to look the other way. Apparently he’s the guy who decided not to wait for that prima donna Guttenberg to start shooting. “Screw it...Bring me the Guttenberg cardboard cutout!!!” In his defense, they had already invested dozens of dollars in a very believable courtroom set.

“Who’s El Debarge” his family said when he left the family hit machine (Debarge) to sing songs about life-like robots.

“Who’s Ally Sheedy,” I said. "You know I love you." Even though she was about to star in “Maid to Order”…even though she was surrounded by El and Steve’s egos…even though the director of this video may not have been the brightest bulb…she put on the performance of a lifetime.

"Who's Johnny?" Who cares? Give me Ally Sheedy at the 1:36 mark. OMG, indeed.

The Clash "Rock the Casbah"

"By order of the prophet we ban that boogie sound..."

THE CLASH'S "ROCK THE CASBAH"

MC Hammer "Turn This Mutha Out"

"Duel with Hammer and meat defeat..."

U2 "Pride (In the Name of Love)"

"Free at last they took your life they could not take your pride..."

U2'S "PRIDE (IN THE NAME OF LOVE)"

David Bowie "Let's Dance"

"Under the moonlight this serious moonlight..."

DAVID BOWIE'S "LET'S DANCE"

ABC "Poison Arrow"

"Who broke my heart...you did...you did..."

ABC'S "POISON ARROW"

Golden Earring "Twighlight Zone"

"Where am I to go now that I've gone too far..."

Tone Loc "Funky Cold Medina"

The Funky Cold Medina tricks hot girls into thinking below average fellows are “fly”. So, naturally, when Tone Loc gets his hands on some, he immediately gives it to his dog…who proceeds to “do the wild thing on” Tone's leg. Only the 80s could give us a song about man’s best friend with benefits. But, who am I to judge? If the FCM netted Tone’s dog a date with Spuds McKenzie…more power to him.

The song is essentially a PSA warning the audience not to fool around with the Funky Cold Medina or the Shiela you bring home could very well be a She-male. “And we go a lil somethin like this…hit it…”

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Howard Jones "No One Is To Blame"

"You're the fastest runner, but you're not allowed to win..."

Tears for Fears "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

"So glad we've almost made it..."

TEARS FOR FEARS' "EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD"

Hall & Oates "Kiss On My List"

"Of the best things in life..."

Toto "Africa"

"Hurry boy it's waiting there for you..."

George Harrison "Got My Mind Set On You"

"It's gonna take patience and time..."

Rober Palmer "Simply Irresistable"

"She's anything but typical..."

ROBERT PALMER'S "SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE"

George Michael "Father Figure"

The video tells the story of your typical cab driver/super model relationship...love at first sight and a pledge to love “till the end of time." The only part of the video that I find unrealistic is that Cabbie George Michael only attracted one super model. My buddy Jason used to drive a cab and it was not unusual for him to date several Victoria Secret models in a single evening.

One other minor detail that I found unusual about the video is that it doesn’t really seem to have anything to do with the song. “Sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime”…“I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine”...“Greet me with the eyes of a child." It sounds less like a story of finding true love and more like a confession to a statutory rape. But, that’s probably splitting hairs. George Michael has sold more than 100 million albums. I’m not here to question him, but to celebrate his artistry.

If you ever hunger, hunger for George…

GEORGE MICHAEL'S "FATHER FIGURE"

Huey Lewis & The News "I Want A New Drug"

"One that won't make me nervous wondering what to do..."

HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS' "I WANT A NEW DRUG"

New Edition "Cool It Now"

"Oooooh watch out..."

NEW EDITION'S "COOL IT NOW"

Deniece Williams "Let's Hear It For The Boy"

"Maybe he's no Romeo, but he's my lovin one man show..."

Genesis "Illegal Alien"

"I don't trust anybody..."

James Ingram & Michael McDonald "Yah Mo B There"

I can't hear the name Michael McDonald without thinking of the 40 Year Old Virgin...

Michael Damian "Rock On"

A video featuring both the Coreys and "Jimmy dean...JAMES DEAN!"

Billy Ocean "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car"

As Zach Braff’s J.D. character said on Scrubs, “Ahh Billy, after the Arctic and Pacific, you’re my favorite ocean”. It took me years to figure out that Billy Ocean and Rick Astley are not the same person. But, get outta my dreams is pure Billy.

And what a video! How bout the cutting edge technology that enabled Mr. Ocean to pretend he was underwater??!!! The video’s opening scene is great…the girl’s facial expression should say, “I can’t believe that THE Billy Ocean wants little old me to get into his car,” but instead she has to be pushed by her friends to get in Billy’s backseat (baby). The young lady is lucky to have such great friends. They force her to get into a convertible that is about to go through a car wash, driven by a stranger who is calling out to girls on the street, asking them to touch his bumper.

“Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!)…get into” this video…

The Waitresses "I Know What Boys Like"

"I laugh right at them..."

The Hooters "And We Danced"

"She could dance all night and shake the paint off the walls..."

THE HOOTERS "AND WE DANCED"

The Motels "Only the Lonely"

"All I know is that it makes me feel good now..."

THE MOTELS' "ONLY THE LONELY"

Pet Shop Boys "Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money)"

"I've got the brains you've got the looks..."

PET SHOP BOYS' "OPPORTUNITIES (LET'S MAKE LOTS OF MONEY)"

Don Henley "The Boys of Summer"

"Don't look back you can never look back..."

Glenn Frey "The Heat Is On"

"The pressure's high just to stay alive..."

Eddie Murphy "Party All The Time"

Eddie Murphy captures the frustration of most men. While our best girl is “out romancing”, we're stuck at home. (And by "home" I mean the car we're driving around town looking for tranny hookers in need of a ride) It is so damn frustrating when our girl is out clubbing, giving her number to every man she sees. Why can't she be faithful, like us? We just wish she would bring some of that love home. (And by "home" I now mean the place where we used to live with our wife until she found out about our tranny hooker charity work.) Eddie gets men. And he gets how to be a pop star…it takes rhythm (watch him clap)…it takes body movement (shake that ass, Eddie)…it takes wardrobe (shirt borrowed from Heathcliff Huxtable’s closet?) and it takes Rick James, bitch!

Slade "Run Runaway"

"Don't beat around the bush..."

David Lee Roth "Just Like Paradise"

"And I don't wanna go home...

Peter Wolf "Lights Out"

"Blast blast blast..."

Benjamin Orr "Stay the Night"

"Let a little love show..."

Motley Crue "Girls, Girls, Girls"

"Red lips finger tips..."

MOTLEY CRUE'S "GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS"

Dead or Alive "Brand New Lover"

"I want surprises..."

Great White "Once Bitten Twice Shy"

“Once Bitten, Twice Shy”…oh, man…this is great. Plenty of 80s rock bands had equally fabulous hair, but not many could match the lyrical genius of Great White. Wow. Where to start? I think this is the touching story of the lead singer finding out that an innocent girl is really a smelly, pirate hooker, but I’ve been known to misunderstand lyrics, so it might be about the apocalypse.

I love how they completely throw out the rhyming dictionary, rhyming “looked” with “group”. And so many other great lines. The randomness of “You didn’t know that rock and roll burned, so you bought a candle and you lived and you learned”. Huh? The tour bus double entendre of “I got there in the nick of time, before he got his hands across your state line”. And my favorite…“I didn’t know you had a rock and roll record, until I saw your picture on another guy’s jacket”.

My BFF told me you’re going to love this song…and that you’re the best lick in town…

GREAT WHITE'S "ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY"

Def Leppard "Love Bites"

"Who do you think of? Does he look like me..."

DEF LEPPARD'S "LOVE BITES"

Aerosmith "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)"

"Forgive me if I seem out of line..."

AEROSMITH'S "DUDE (LOOKS LIKE A LADY)"

Indigo Girls "Closer to Fine"

"I went to see the doctor of philosophy..."

INDIGO GIRLS' "CLOSER TO FINE"

Belinda Carlisle "Mad About You"

"Lost in your eyes..."

BELINDA CARLISLE'S "MAD ABOUT YOU"

Peter Cetera and Amy Grant "Next Time I Fall"

"Next time I'm going to follow through..."

Bruce Springsteen "Brilliant Disguise"

"I want to know if it's you I don't trust cause I damn sure don't trust myself..."

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S "BRILLIANT DISGUISE"

Skid Row "18 and Life"

Have you heard about this young boy, Ricky? His heart? Stone. His fighting style? Switch-blade like. His bff? A bottle. Dude couldn’t catch a break. Dad threw him through a door, which led to him shooting the wind. But, as is often the case, the wind was actually a child. Stupid wind landed Ricky in the big house. His courtship with a gun? Not his last.

The Jets "Crush on You"

"She's always talking when she should be listening..."

Patti Austin & James Ingram "Baby Come To Me"

"Spending every dime to keep you talking on the line..."

John Parr "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)"

"All I need is a pair of wheels..."

Heart "What About Love"

"I can't sell you what you don't want to buy..."

Milli Vanilli "Blame it on the Rain"

Do you have to blame it on something? I'll let Milli and Vanilli answer that...

Animotion "Obsession"

"But I see danger, stranger beware..."

Oran "Juice" Jones "The Rain"

This is a beauty. Classic 80s quality video. The acting is spot on. OJJ’s cigarette smoking is very believable. I love how he oversells the parentheses, “I saw you (AND HIM) walking in the rain.” And how about the background singers with choreography every bit as cheesy as their 80s prom cummerbunds?

But, really what makes this video great is that the monologue Jones gives at the end. It lasts two minutes, almost half the song. “I gave you things you couldn’t even pronounce.” The closing tirade kills. “Silly rabbit, Trix are made for kids”. What the hell does that even mean in the context of the song?

You dismissed…

ORAN "JUICE" JONES "THE RAIN"

Madonna "Papa Don't Preach"

"I'm in trouble deep...

The Buggles "Video Killed the Radio Star"

"We can't rewind we've gone too far..."

THE BUGGLES' "VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR"

The Psychedelic Furs "Love My Way"

"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race..."

Arcadia "Election Day"

"I pull my shirt off and pray..."

Martika "Toy Soldiers"

"Won't you come out and play with me..."

MARTIKA'S "TOY SOLDIERS"

Breathe "Hands to Heaven"

"You relieve my sadness..."

BREATHE'S "HANDS TO HEAVEN"

Kenny Rogers "Lady"

This clip has it all. A country artist singing a Lionel Richie song. A knight in shining armor riding a camel’s toe. And yet, it gave Mr. Bad Chicken the 12th most popular song of the 80s. KayRaj spends so much energy standing upright throughout the entire song, that his voice actually gives out at the end. But, it doesn't matter...Kenny, you’ve come into my life and made me whole…

Bruce Hornsby and the Range "The Way It Is"

"Hey old man how can you stand to think that way..."

Bruce Hornsby - The Way It Is
Uploaded by Dixvad59. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Styx "The Best of Times"

"Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime..."

STYX'S "THE BEST OF TIMES"

Simply Red "If You Don't Know Me By Now"

"No you won't..."

Janet Jackson "Nasty"

"Who's jamming to my nasty groove?"

Public Enemy "Fight the Power"

"My beloved let's get down to business..."

Bananarama "I Heard a Rumor"

"Yes I did, boy..."

J. Geils Band "Centerfold"

Here’s another one of those big budget 80s videos. It looks like John Geils knew the night custodian at his old high school and snuck in after hours. The song is about his Angel, but she must have called in drunk on the day of the shoot. Instead, the video stars what appears to be the community ballet class that had booked the gymnasium that night. He thought his Angel was innocent…I thought J. Geils was cool. Reality is a bitch. The pages of our minds are stripped. Still, this will forever be my all-time favorite song to roller skate to…

J. GEILS BAND'S "CENTERFOLD"

Sheila E "The Glamorous Life"

"It ain't much..."

SHELIA E'S "THE GLAMOROUS LIFE"

Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne "Close My Eyes Forever"

"You gotta close your eyes for me..."

New Kids on the Block "Hangin' Tough"

"We're gonna put you in a trance with a funky song..."

Paul Hardcastle "19"

"Na-na-na-na-nineteen..."

The Gap Band "You Dropped A Bomb On Me"

"You were the first explosion, turned out to be corrosion..."

THE GAP BAND'S "YOU DROPPED A BOMB ON ME"

Starship "Sara"

"I'll never find another girl like you..."

Loverboy "Lovin' Every Minute Of It"

I’m lovin every minute of this video. Telephone call for Mike Reno. “Hello…sorry gotta go…I forgot I’m shooting a video”. Click. Beautiful girls flock to this guy. And it’s all because he’s antenna. Aerial. He’s tunin in…he’s outta control. Put on a plain white T, roll up the sleeves and let Loverboy shoot you like a rocket into spaAAce…

Hipsway "The Honeythief"

"The light of deep regret..."

HIPSWAY'S "THE HONEYTHIEF"

Sammy Hagar "Your Love is Driving Me Crazy"

"Lead me to forbidden doors..."

Laura Branigan "Self Control"

"You got me living only for the night..."

Jeffrey Osborne "You Should Be Mine (the Woo Woo Song)"

"Can you woo woo woo..."

ABBA "When All Is Said and Done"

"Neither you nor I'm to blame..."

ABBA'S "WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE"

Duran Duran "Rio"

"You know you're something special and you look like you're the best..."

DURAN DURAN'S "RIO"

The Fat Boys "Wipe Out"

What a great 80s rap video. Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini and Hector "Macho" Camacho make appearances, giving testimony to just how big the Fat Boys were at the time. They also had access to some of the most cutting edge video equipment, as evidenced by the eerily real dream sequences. These Fatties were pretty hard core rappers, banging out rhymes like "toured the nation" and "needed a vacation".

Tipper Gore would not approve of you watching this video...

Terence Trent D'Arby "Sign Your Name"

"All alone with you...make the butterflies in me arise..."

The Outfield "Your Love"

"You know I like my girls a little bit older..."

THE OUTFIELD'S "YOUR LOVE"

Morris Day "Jungle Love"

"Hey Jessie. No, now Jerome..."

Morris Day and The Time - Jungle Love (from Purple Rain)- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Dan Hartman "I Can Dream About You"

"Moving sidewalks I don't see under my feet..."

DAN HARTMAN "I CAN DREAM ABOUT YOU"

Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam "Lost In Emotion"

"Hit the beat now..."

LISA LISA AND CULT JAM "LOST IN EMOTION"

Juice Newton "Queen of Hearts"

"Moonlight, you're just a heartache in disguise..."

JUICE NEWTON "QUEEN OF HEARTS"

Boys Don't Cry "I Wanna Be a Cowboy"

Re-watching this video made me realize that I really don’t know crap about music. I’m just a sucker for the weird. I loved this song, because it was different. I wanted to know this Ted who fights off danger. And I think the video gives us a good picture of T to the Ed. He wants to be a Cowboy, but, only while sitting in the bathtub smoking. I wish BDC made more music featuring this Ted character. Who does he want to be while sitting in church…or while watching golf on TV…or while waiting in line at the DMV? For now, we’ll have to settle for knowing that his name is Ted, and one day, he’ll be dead, yo, yo, yo…

Eddie Money "Walk on Water"

"Worse things have been done by better men..."

Ziggy Marley & The Melody Makers "Tomorrow People"

"How long will you last..."

ZIGGY MARLEY & THE MELODY MAKERS "TOMORROW PEOPLE"

38 Special "Caught Up In You"

"When it's right the light just comes shining through..."


38 SPECIAL'S "CAUGHT UP IN YOU"

Irene Cara "Flashdance...What a Feeling"

"Take your passion and make it happen..."

Hall and Oates "Private Eyes"

"They see your every move..."

Neneh Cherry "Buffalo Stance"

"Who's looking good today?"

NENEH CHERRY'S "BUFFALO STANCE"

Night Ranger "Sentimental Street"

Either J.J. Abrams created LOST after watching this video or the boys from Night Ranger are the Others. I didn’t really understand this song before I saw this video and now I’m even more confused. “Sentimental street in the avenues”…is that a play on words or just really bad writing? “The same two steps that I taught you back in June…did you get your fill did you think you had to pay”. I want to say bad writing, but I guess I’ll leave it...up...to you-oo-oo…

NIGHT RANGER'S SENTIMENTAL STREET

Yes "Owner of a Lonely Heart"

"Give your free will a chance..."

Paula Abdul "Forever Your Girl"

"I'll be lovin you still..."

PAULA ABDUL'S "FOREVER YOUR GIRL"

Gloria Loring & Carl Anderson "Friends and Lovers"

"Nothing would change if we made love..."

GLORIA LORING & CARL ANDERSON "FRIENDS AND LOVERS"

Nena "99 Luft Baloons"

"Streichholz und Benzinkanister Hielten sich fuer schlaue Leute..." (If you know what I mean)

NENA'S "99 LUFT BALOONS"

Flock of Seagulls "I Ran"

"Aurora borealis comes in view..."

Thomas Dolby "She Blinded Me With Science"

"Good heavens Miss Sakamoto, you're beautiful..."

THOMAS DOLBY "SHE BLINDED MY WITH SCIENCE"

Ray Parker Jr. "Ghostbusters"

“Let me tell you something…busting makes me feel good.” This is one of those songs that brings back the same memory every time. It was on the radio every day driving to and from basketball camp in the summer of 84. As soon as my buddies and I heard the song start, the windows went down in one of our mom’s station wagons and we repeatedly screamed, “GHOSTBUSTERS!!!” just like the A-listers in this video…Irene Cara, George Wendt, Al Franken, Terri Garr, Melissa Gilbert, Peter Falk, etc. We “ain’t afraid of no ghosts”.

Huey Lewis sued Ray Parker Jr. and his moustache, claiming the melody for Ghostbusters was plagiarized from his song “I Want a New Drug”. If that’s true, I salute you, Mr. Parker Jr…if you’re going to steal, steal from the best, sir.

“There’s something weird and it don’t look good”…THIS VIDEO!

Quarterflash "Harden My Heart"

"But it's time you got the news..."

QUARTERFLASH'S "HARDEN MY HEART"

Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes "I've Had the Time of My Life"

"You're the one thing I can't get enough of..."

Billy Squire "Everybody Wants You"

"Throw your affections any way the wind blows..."

BILLY SQUIRE'S "EVERYBODY WANTS YOU"

Real Life "Send Me An Angel"

"It's hard to be lucky in love..."

UB40 "Red Red Wine"

"Stay close to me..."

UB40'S "RED RED WINE"

Sade "The Sweetest Taboo"

"Sometimes I think you're just too good for me..."

Henry Lee Summer "I Wish I Had a Girl"

Henry Lee Summer. Three named men fascinate me. This video fascinates me. That is some hair. Have mercy! He tries to tug a girl's arm…he attempts to box a girl into a corner…but frustratingly his best game nets him no girls. Until the end. The beautiful end. Lookie there…he gets to play grab ass…he gets to do the crazy chicken leg dance. How did he get that girl…How did he get that girl?

Check it out hero…

Henry Lee Summer's I Wish I Had a Girl

Billy Joel "Allentown"

"If we worked hard...if we behaved..."

BILLY JOEL'S "ALLENTOWN"

RUN-DMC "Walk This Way"

"I was a high school loser never made it with a lady...

RUN-DMC'S "WALK THIS WAY"

Chicago "Look Away"

"I said I'm happy for ya. I'm really happy for ya..."

Chicago - New Music - More Music Videos

Mike & the Mechanics "The Living Years"

"And if you don't give up and don't give in you may just be O.K..."

Kool & The Gang "Celebration"

"We gonna celebrate your party with you..."

KOOL & THE GANG'S "CELEBRATION"

Steve Miller Band "Abracadabra"

I have every intention of reaching out and grabbing ya...

The Steve Miller Band - Abracadabra
Uploaded by Shakki.

Tiffany "I Think We're Alone Now"

She needed but one name…Tiffany. She needed but one venue…a shopping mall near you. I wanted to be alone with her…and Debbie Gibson. I can still picture the three of us “trying to get away…into the night…and then” they put their "arms around me and we tumble to the ground and then we say…” Ooh la la...can’t you hear my heart beat?