Tom Petty "Runnin' Down a Dream"

"I felt so good like anything was possible..."

TOM PETTY'S "RUNNIN' DOWN A DREAM"

Human League "Don't You Want Me"

How many years have I toiled as a cocktail waitress and yet no one has taken the time to pick me up, shake me up, and turn me around? Maybe it's time that I turned into someone new. Maybe it's time that I unstraighten my teeth and wear more rouge and eyeliner. This is the final boarding call for people trying to take credit for my success. Even with or without you I'm going to find a much better place (to be a cocktail waitresss).

Don't you want me?

Human League's "Don't You Want Me"

The B52's "Love Shack"

"So hurry up and bring your jukebox money..."

Peter Gabriel "In Your Eyes"

"I reach out from the inside..."

Depeche Mode "People Are People"

"Why should it be you and I should get along so awfully..."

Depeche Mode - People Are People
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Power Station "Get It On (Bang a Gong)"

"You're dirty sweet and you're my girl..."

POWER STATION'S "GET IT ON (BANG A GONG)"

Corey Hart "Sunglasses at Night"

"Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades oh no..."

COREY HART'S "SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT"

Oingo Boingo "Weird Science"

"Makin dreams come true..."

El Debarge "Who's Johnny?"

Before we get to the ever important question “Who’s Johnny?” I’d like to first identify the rest of the players.

“Who’s Steve Guttenberg?” I said and smiled in my special way. Apparently he’s the guy who decided at the last minute that he was too big of a star to appear in an El Debarge video.

“Who’s directing this crap” I said and tried to look the other way. Apparently he’s the guy who decided not to wait for that prima donna Guttenberg to start shooting. “Screw it...Bring me the Guttenberg cardboard cutout!!!” In his defense, they had already invested dozens of dollars in a very believable courtroom set.

“Who’s El Debarge” his family said when he left the family hit machine (Debarge) to sing songs about life-like robots.

“Who’s Ally Sheedy,” I said. "You know I love you." Even though she was about to star in “Maid to Order”…even though she was surrounded by El and Steve’s egos…even though the director of this video may not have been the brightest bulb…she put on the performance of a lifetime.

"Who's Johnny?" Who cares? Give me Ally Sheedy at the 1:36 mark. OMG, indeed.

The Clash "Rock the Casbah"

"By order of the prophet we ban that boogie sound..."

THE CLASH'S "ROCK THE CASBAH"

MC Hammer "Turn This Mutha Out"

"Duel with Hammer and meat defeat..."

U2 "Pride (In the Name of Love)"

"Free at last they took your life they could not take your pride..."

U2'S "PRIDE (IN THE NAME OF LOVE)"

David Bowie "Let's Dance"

"Under the moonlight this serious moonlight..."

DAVID BOWIE'S "LET'S DANCE"

ABC "Poison Arrow"

"Who broke my heart...you did...you did..."

ABC'S "POISON ARROW"

Golden Earring "Twighlight Zone"

"Where am I to go now that I've gone too far..."

Tone Loc "Funky Cold Medina"

The Funky Cold Medina tricks hot girls into thinking below average fellows are “fly”. So, naturally, when Tone Loc gets his hands on some, he immediately gives it to his dog…who proceeds to “do the wild thing on” Tone's leg. Only the 80s could give us a song about man’s best friend with benefits. But, who am I to judge? If the FCM netted Tone’s dog a date with Spuds McKenzie…more power to him.

The song is essentially a PSA warning the audience not to fool around with the Funky Cold Medina or the Shiela you bring home could very well be a She-male. “And we go a lil somethin like this…hit it…”

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Howard Jones "No One Is To Blame"

"You're the fastest runner, but you're not allowed to win..."

Tears for Fears "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

"So glad we've almost made it..."

TEARS FOR FEARS' "EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD"

Hall & Oates "Kiss On My List"

"Of the best things in life..."

Toto "Africa"

"Hurry boy it's waiting there for you..."

George Harrison "Got My Mind Set On You"

"It's gonna take patience and time..."

Rober Palmer "Simply Irresistable"

"She's anything but typical..."

ROBERT PALMER'S "SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE"

George Michael "Father Figure"

The video tells the story of your typical cab driver/super model relationship...love at first sight and a pledge to love “till the end of time." The only part of the video that I find unrealistic is that Cabbie George Michael only attracted one super model. My buddy Jason used to drive a cab and it was not unusual for him to date several Victoria Secret models in a single evening.

One other minor detail that I found unusual about the video is that it doesn’t really seem to have anything to do with the song. “Sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime”…“I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine”...“Greet me with the eyes of a child." It sounds less like a story of finding true love and more like a confession to a statutory rape. But, that’s probably splitting hairs. George Michael has sold more than 100 million albums. I’m not here to question him, but to celebrate his artistry.

If you ever hunger, hunger for George…

GEORGE MICHAEL'S "FATHER FIGURE"

Huey Lewis & The News "I Want A New Drug"

"One that won't make me nervous wondering what to do..."

HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS' "I WANT A NEW DRUG"

New Edition "Cool It Now"

"Oooooh watch out..."

NEW EDITION'S "COOL IT NOW"

Deniece Williams "Let's Hear It For The Boy"

"Maybe he's no Romeo, but he's my lovin one man show..."

Genesis "Illegal Alien"

"I don't trust anybody..."

James Ingram & Michael McDonald "Yah Mo B There"

I can't hear the name Michael McDonald without thinking of the 40 Year Old Virgin...

Michael Damian "Rock On"

A video featuring both the Coreys and "Jimmy dean...JAMES DEAN!"

Billy Ocean "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car"

As Zach Braff’s J.D. character said on Scrubs, “Ahh Billy, after the Arctic and Pacific, you’re my favorite ocean”. It took me years to figure out that Billy Ocean and Rick Astley are not the same person. But, get outta my dreams is pure Billy.

And what a video! How bout the cutting edge technology that enabled Mr. Ocean to pretend he was underwater??!!! The video’s opening scene is great…the girl’s facial expression should say, “I can’t believe that THE Billy Ocean wants little old me to get into his car,” but instead she has to be pushed by her friends to get in Billy’s backseat (baby). The young lady is lucky to have such great friends. They force her to get into a convertible that is about to go through a car wash, driven by a stranger who is calling out to girls on the street, asking them to touch his bumper.

“Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!)…get into” this video…

The Waitresses "I Know What Boys Like"

"I laugh right at them..."